Toby's Sunday light

It all began when Toby visited Sydney recently and decided to lunch in the Western Suburb of Auburn with a few old, Christian Brother’s School mates.

So it was to the recommended “Salim’s Bonza Mecca Burgers” they went. Being rather hungry Toby, unable to read the menu as it was in squiggly writing ordered a Mecca burger with Egg, pineapple and bacon with a large fries.

 “You can’t have bacon in here,” screamed Ali the burger turner, “besides, I can’t serve you until after the sun goes down,” 

“But that’s tea-time and now it’s lunch-time and I’m bloody starved,” retorted Toby.

“Don’t you know it’s Ramadan,” yells Ali, “you’re not allowed to eat until then, now get out and come back later.”

Feeling like infidels, although hungry infidels, Toby’s mates told him about the huge numbers of food items sold in Australian supermarkets and corner stores that exhibit Muslim Halal certification. Here is a story Toby thought. GC.Ed.@L.

Dear Editor:

The Association of Christian Churches plan to green-mail food suppliers by certifying that baked beans and porridge and so on, was “Dignum”. By doing so, an endless cash torrent would gush into the church money boxes without the Churches having to do more than hold a ceremony once a year blessing assembly lines.

Naturally, companies like Cadbury’s would print the ‘Dignum’ label on their product in the same eye-straining micro fonts they use for ‘Halal’.

["Dignum" is Latin for 'OK' in the same way as "kosher" and "halal" is Hebrew and Arabic for the same idea.]

However, trouble is brewing over the idea of halal water.

Already it is claimed that in hospitals in Victoria provide halal water whenever anyone at all requires a glass of water for swallowing a pill. Made halal, no doubt, by the Department of Health intoning توجيه الاتهام الى دافعي الضرائب (bill the taxpayer) while rowing across the reservoir.

Making water ‘halal’ is shaping up as business in England where a certain amount of re-cycling water goes on. Muslim leaders have graciously accepted that U.K. tap water is not 100% pure. In addition to residual pollutants, they say, “Local water authorities add various chemicals to reduce bacteria” but “cosmetic products which have been flushed down the drain, are not all removed by the water authorities’ treatments, and did you know that many cosmetics contain pig fat? You may be actually drinking and washing in that?”

So, trouble is brewing, but not from the West’s jelly-spined culturally aware tolerant merchants of appeasement.

No indeed. It has come from Muslims themselves, and in Aussie, where some mosques urge halal water to be drunk to honour traditions and standards.

“This is fanaticism,” says one Aussie Muslim, “because the very principle of Islamic law (permissible before impermissible) has been turned on its head. The reversal of this axiom in Islamic law by modern halalisers [his word] is absolutely astonishing. Everything in the world, if these zealots are to be believed, is now haram (forbidden) until proved halal!”

In other words, Islamic default position is that everything is good unless actually prohibited. Not that everything is forbidden unless explicitly allowed.

Another protester cites Islamic religious writing, “I heard that the people asked the Prophet of Allah (peace_be_upon_him): Water is brought for you from the well of Buda’ah. It is a well in which dead dogs, menstrual clothes and excrement of people are thrown. The Messenger of Allah (peace_be_upon_him) replied: Verily water is pure and is not defiled by anything.” [Abu Dawud Book 1, Number 67]

How long before a company has the cojones to say to buyers, “Yes, our meat pies are halal, if you don’t believe me don’t buy them. But we are not going to pay a licence every year to somebody for a worthless certificate.”

Companies might. Governments dancing in multi-culturalism moonshine won’t.

Watch out for halal water, and remember that water is the stuff that everybody washes in. Are we going to get Burrinjuck certified halal?

Comments

[Armchair Beak]

1.

H2S04 could be a good substitute. I mean, Its still got 2 Hydrogen and one Oxygen atom and gets rid of all pollutants.

(tongue in cheek for the humour impaired)

[AlterEgo]

2.

Very droll AB.

But ...

H2SO4 = H2O + SO3.

SO3 would be a bit bitter to swallow. Would get rid of nasties in the water though.

On a more serious note - Toby does his usual anti-Muslim thing by bagging Ramadan.

Can't wait to see his post bagging Lent.

Menzies House has never done comedy very well - except when supporting ... (hint initials are TA).

Oh well, back to C.R.I.C.K.E.Y.

[Veritas]

3.

AlterEgo, I have been reading your comments for some time. It is clear that you NEED to prove your intellectuality. All you do is expose a proper jerk - YOU.
Well, now it is my turn to tell you what I think.
You are a nit-picker with everything. Nothing passes that you don’t feel need to belittle in order to raise your importance. Your rush to denigrate is mostly fraught with error.
Your attack on Viv Forbes makes most us sick, as is shown by nearly all comments.
There is something wrong with you. You upset most regular participants on this blog.
You delight in sneering and finding fault with the editor.
Why do you log-on to MH?
It might surprise you to know that many people read Toby and do get a laugh as well as learn a thing or two, unlike you who is incapable of learning and understanding. Toby helps escape from the [arse***es] in this world like you.
“Oh well, back to C.R.I.C.K.E.Y.” you wrote, I hope that is a promise you will keep because you are a damned pest. You ruin the blog for others!
I don’t know why GC tolerates the ramblings of a sadly bitter person like you.
Please go away and annoy others elsewhere. Or, is this the only decent blog where you haven’t been blocked.
I hope others agree when I say, AlterEgo, or what ever your real name is, [P**S-OFF.]
[Edited by request. GC.]

[Arthur Dent]

4.

A bit hard to disagree with someone using the epithet "Veritas", but here goes.
I've mostly found AlterEgo's comments to be well researched counter points, and as this site's title say's "there's room for everyone" then perhaps when reading threads, you should skip his comments, and move on to the next one that reinforces your point of view - Dignum?
Give me a minute to take cover....cheers.

[AlterEgo]

5.

Thanks for the compliments Veritas. Of course you can say what you think. That is what this blog is for.

Perhaps you could clarify a few of your comments?

It is clear that you NEED to prove your intellectuality.

I don't need to prove anything, Sigmund Freud, I'm already there. From the tone of your post, the shoe is on the other foot.

Sure, I have sparred with other posters, we all seem to enjoy it. Copped a few serves from experts, I have no problem telling you.

I've even been accused of being "Dante" who used to post here.

Your attack on Viv Forbes makes most us sick

An attack on poor old Viv? Just for publishing his impressive CV and pointing out that his background is in coal mining?

Will you feel better if I don't comment on Viv's posts any more?

Do you agree that the main aim of Viv's posts is to debunk Tony Abbott's direct action carbon plan?

You delight in sneering and finding fault with the editor.

Geoff is well able to look after himself. He does not need any help from you! Geoff even lined me up with his barmaid.

Why do you log-on to MH?

Because it is a relatively civilised site. Lots of for and against, cut and thrust, does not degenerate into obscenities, you get the drift.

Toby helps escape from the arseholes in this world like you.

Might have to reconsider my last comment! I do not recall ever using any offensive language here.

Your word, not mine. Says it all about you really.

is this the only decent blog where you haven’t been blocked.

Never been blocked anywhere else. That's probably because I don't post anyhere else.

Anyway, Veritas old chap, I have noted your sensitivities and will try to avoid upsetting you from now on.

[Arthur Dent]

6.

...many people read Toby and do get a laugh as well as learn a thing or two,

You're right about learn a thing or two. Halal water! News to me.
Now I'm wondering if homeopathy trumps halal.
Apparently, water has 'memory'. So, halal water can still remember what was in it even AFTER the توجيه الاتهام الى دافعي الضرائبchant.
hmmmmm. Soooo, does that mean it can remember all the, er....poo that's been in it?
This faith based stuff is so confusing.

Must be time for a bit of Toby humour-
What do you call alternative medicine that works?

A - medicine.

[Rumplestilskin]

7.

Toby's article is not meant to be humorous today, Alter Ego. He quotes Muslims and cites authority that the craven 'halal' label on water is a stunt too far. It's a serious article .
Your response is pure kneejerkery. Your misunderstanding is palpable.
As for Arthur Dent supporting you, well birds of a feather, you know.
And you still keep up your hypocritical pretence you didn't attack Viv.
As for needing to prove your intellectuality, the point Veritas made was that you attacked Viv and not his arguments and could well, if you had the ability to do so, quote your own achievements. You choose to make the argument in personam.
I'm glad you enjoy the cut and thrust, it assuaged my guilt at enjoying Veritas kick your behind.

[AlterEgo]

8.

Truthy

Did you previously post as veritas6464?

Or as Egeo Veritas?

These are the only Veritas-like blogger names that I can find.

[AlterEgo]

9.

Rumple

Toby is always trying to be humorous.

The category bar a the bottom of the post says :

"Humour, Islam, Religion | Permalink"

I'm glad you enjoy the cut and thrust, it assuaged my guilt at enjoying Veritas kick your behind.

Sticks and stones may break my bones, but electrons will never hurt me.

I've asked Veritas if he has ever posted here before under another name.

Do you agree or disagree with my comment :

Toby does his usual anti-Muslim thing by bagging Ramadan.

Can't wait to see his post bagging Lent.

[Arthur Dent]

10.

There is an 'out' for muslims who don't have access to halal.

"But whoever is forced [by necessity], neither desiring [it] nor transgressing [its limit], there is no sin upon him. Indeed, Allah is Forgiving and Merciful.
Surah 2:173"

Could be a market for posters with that verse - anyone?

[Geoff Crocker]

11.

Gentlemen, and ladies, for the record. Veritas has not posted on this site before but reads MH every day and sends various articles, including Toby to many friends. Is not an "old chap" and has sent a message apologising for her "out of character" colourful language. "Toby's Sunday light" has at this moment received more than 60% of today's total reads.

[Rumplestilskin]

12.

God, you are a numbskull, Alter.
Toby didn't bag Ramadan. He didn't even mention it indirectly.
You see, Alter, that's what comes of carelessly reading quickly searching for offence and for the opportunity of a snide remark.
And as for the miffy pedantry in your line, "Did you or didn't you.." and its feeble attempt to salvage some rags of credit when you have been comprehensively squelched, well, it only reinforces in readers they are witnessing a lost cause.
John Cleese identified this trait in his famous "Black Knight" sketch.

[Arthur Dent]

13.

Toby didn't bag Ramadan. He didn't even mention it indirectly.
It was Geoff.

Touche, Rumplestilskin.
Now get in that kitchen, and spin me some gold.

[AlterEgo]

14.

Hi Geoff

As Veritas has apologised for her (I did not know) colourful language, I am more than happy to withdraw my reply to her.

You might let her know that my hide is thicker than an elephant.

At least it got Toby the total reads medal!

[AlterEgo]

15.

“Don’t you know it’s Ramadan,” yells Ali, “you’re not allowed to eat until then, now get out and come back later.”

Yes, OK, it was Geoff's line. Who do you think the real Toby is?

Have a go, I'll bite you to death.